Killer Switch
by shokugeek
Summary: Inspired by Ryo Kurokiba and Karma Akabane sharing the same voice actor. Ryo & Karma switch bodies and get to know what it's like in the world of chefs and assassins in a day. The two are cousins in this setup. In script form.


**Karma wakes up in the morning. He sees he is in the Nakiri Mansion. He looks in the mirror and sees Ryo.**

Karma: Well, what do you know. This has got to be Ryo's.

 **Karma proceeds to the kitchen and made Alice some coffee. He delivers it in her room.**

Karma: Good morning, ojou-sama.

Alice: Good morning Ryo- you are smiling. What the hell?

Karma: Eh? It's a fine day.

Alice: You're not Ryo.

Karma: What gave me away?

Alice: You don't have a bandana on your wrist, you're smiling, this coffee is not how it usually is, it's supposed to be "morning, Ojou" and you know, you're smiling. Clearly this shit's not right.

Karma: Yeah, I may be a bit too happily laid-back than Ryo is.

Alice: No way. You're Karma.

Karma: Oh, you remember me. Hi, Alice. You've been giving my cousin a good time.

Alice: Hi! I haven't heard from you in a while. How's high school without your fellow assassins?

Karma: Pretty lonely, but not really. I've got my blade wielding just about as used as ever.

Alice: You've given Gakushu a run for his money, for sure.

Karma: Yeah, and very good at that. How about you, what's cookin'?

Alice: Just me being the best, Ryo with the rest… for now not because you're here. Just so you know, Ryo's got some shokugekis to attend to today and you're not gonna shoulder that shit, obviously.

Karma: Oh, right. Damn. Yeah, that could wait, couldn't it?

Alice: Well, I'll just say he's headed to some other event with me. Oh wait, he does have something you could do. There's a Prepping Relay at the Arena today.

Karma: If you must know, I have absolutely nothing to give out on cooking. Nor can I channel any beast shit right now. A bandana could not just rile the fuck out of me.

Alice: The Prepping Relay is a contest of prepping ingredients. It's a tag team challenge where one does one part of the cooking and passes it on to the person in front for the next stage of the dish. I do know something you're good at for the Relay. Knifework.

Karma: Oh. Oh. We do have that. Damn it, we're gonna kill this thing.

Alice: Well, I obviously can't order you around because you not being Ryo would affect the shit you do, but just to creep everybody else, come to school with me and leave the bandana.

Karma: Tricky. That's fun. Count me in.

 **Meanwhile, at the time, Ryo wakes up finding himself in a sleepover with some of Karma's classmates from Class 3-E.**

Ryo: Eh? (looks at the mirror) I guess I'm that piece of shit.

Nagisa: Good morning, Karma. You're up. Have some coffee.

Ryo: Oh. Thanks.

Nagisa: Your eyes are dead.

Ryo: Oh. (drinks from coffee) This drink's plain.

Nagisa: Eh? I did my best.

Ryo: Wait here.

 **Ryo goes to the grocery and shops for things to cook. He also picks up some ingredients to blend the coffee he usually does for Alice. He returns and gets started on cooking.**

Nagisa: Since when do you… do the cooking when we all hangout together?

Ryo: Uhh…

Nagisa: Ryo. You've got to be Ryo.

Ryo: Oh. Yeah. How have you heard.

Nagisa: When we set-up a cafe in 3-E, we had Karma consult somebody for our seafood dishes. He said he had a cousin from Totsuki. That would be you. You're really talented, like your cousin.

Ryo: Guess that fucker knows what he's saying.

Isogai: (wakes up) Mhm. That smells good. Nagisa, that's really- eh? Karma's cooking?

Nagisa: S-sort of? Yeah.

Isogai: Cool. I didn't know you do that. What's cooking?

Nagisa: Apparently, this is baconette tempura with onigiri pucks.

Isogai: Onigiri literally means rice ball. That thing is a puck, but it looks promising.

Ryo: My cooking is promising. Needless to say.

Isogai: Is it just me or Karma's a bit deadpan today? Usually even at this hour his eyes could kill. And he's cooking.

Nagisa: Nah. I won't mind. The food's good. Give it a taste.

Isogai: (tastes) Oh, no way. No way did Karma just cook this.

Rio: (wakes up) Hey, what's going on?

Isogai: Have some breakfast.

Rio: Cool. Who made this?

Isogai: Karma, apparently?

Rio: Oh, no. No. He's gotta have something put in here. You did not just bribe Okuda to make you something that would make us gag. And really, you? Cooking?

Ryo: (whispers to Nagisa) Is that bastard that shit-assed as a person?

Nagisa: Not quite, but very fun-loving in a low-life way.

Isogai: Come on, I ate it and apparently it's amazing. Try it. Even the coffee is spectacular.

Rio: (tastes) Oh, damn. This is the shit. Apparently. This is… no. Karma didn't cook this. This has gotta be you, Isogai.

Isogai: I wish. It is really good.

Ryo: (receives call) Excuse me. I should take this. Hello?

Alice: Ryo-kun! Good morning.

Ryo: Ojou. How do you know I'm Karma right now?

Alice: Karma's with me. I mean, you, but him. Yeah, you get that.

Ryo: Please cancel all my Shokugekis.

Alice: Oh they all are. Oh, Karma wants to speak to you. I'll pass this on.

Karma: Cousin. You're finally good-looking for once. How's it going there?

Ryo: Shut up. I cooked them breakfast.

Karma: Oh, no. You see, I don't do that. But you did, so you do have to teach me how to cook once in a while.

Ryo: You better not fuck up the things I'm gonna do today. Especially the Prepping Relay.

Karma: You might wanna trust me on that. I'm a man by my knife, even better than you are.

Ryo: Oh, right.

Karma: And what about you? My tasks aren't necessarily easy for you. We're bound to teach a bunch of apprentices from the Defense Academy.

Ryo: If you did notice, I have basically the gym in my room. I could flex up a hundred times better than you could.

Karma: Point taken. Who has been suspecting me there?

Ryo: The one with the long blue hair knows who I am, apparently.

Karma: Naturally. And here, Alice can only tell. Do your job. Be a good me.

Ryo: I'm the best you. Fuck off.

Karma: (laughs) You fuck off. Bye.

Alice: So, you down? Live animals ain't gonna prep themselves.

Karma: I'm gonna butcher?

Alice: You can't?

Karma: Oh, please. What can't my knife do?

 **Karma and Alice go inside the Arena. Karma gets in position in the aligned station of Team A. He encounters Soma, whose station is in front of him.**

Soma: Yo, Kurokiba. You ready to do this?

Karma: Who are you asking?

Soma: Yeah. We're gonna be lit.

Karma: Hmm.

Soma: Hey, you don't have your bandana on that wrist.

Karma: Oh… yeah… it's untidy.

Soma: You tend to Alice's every order but not to your own needs.

Karma: Hmm. I'd still kill ass anyway.

Soma: Well, you seem quite chill. And damn, you're smiling. That doesn't happen.

Karma: We're bound to win. Only natural.

Soma: Nope. Wrong answer.

Karma: Then what is?

Soma: A nod. A nod, Ryo. Ryo, damn it, you're weird today.

Karma: Hmm.

Soma: Right again, but then again, no.

 **Soma goes to Alice.**

Soma: Hey, what the fuck is wrong with your boyfriend?

Alice: What a term. Not quite right, but I like it.

Soma: We talk that later, but now explain. Why did Ryo smile? Is he gonna kill me?

Alice: Go along with it.

Soma: No. If you brought here an impostor, I'm not down to lose this relay.

Alice: Relax. He may be not him at the moment, but he's a lot better at what he does.

Soma: I'll believe it when I see it.

 **Meanwhile, Ryo and the other 3-E people walk on their way to the training center.**

Nagisa: Hey, Ryo, will you be alright?

Ryo: I-

Rio: Yeah, sure, why wouldn't I be?

Nagisa: Oh, right. (whispers) You, Kurokiba, will you be fine?

Ryo: For sure. I flex harder than Karma, if you must know.

Nagisa: Perfect.

 **A guy named Hajime from Karma's current class in high school bumps into him.**

Hajime: Hey, Akabane! You haven't returned my Chemistry book in a week.

Ryo: (whispers to Nagisa) I don't know what he's talking about, what the fuck.

Nagisa: Karma just texted, he says if someone asks for a book he borrowed, he returned it already. It's in Hajime's shoe locker, he says.

Ryo: I already gave-

Hajime: Don't crab around me. I know you're at the top so don't be selfish.

Rio: Oh, to hell with you. If he says he gave it, he gave it.

Hajime: You know, this Karma guy feels like he's still boss, you know. You ain't, fucker.

Isogai: I better not be saying those words if I were you.

Rio: You're delaying us. Step aside.

Hajime: Oh, are you gonna go hard on me now?

Ryo: Oh. Uhh, do you guys have a handkerchief I can borrow?

Isogai: Well, this is a bandana and I'm to use it at training-

Ryo: Better. (puts on the bandana) Really now, fucker, you wanna mess with me? If you're itching for my fists to lay on you, you've got yourself a deal.

 **Ryo grips Hajime's wrist. Hajime twitched in pain.**

Nagisa: Yeah, not at this Karma state.

Ryo punches Hajime, leaving him defenseless. He is easily down in the floor, and gets a bit teary.

Rio: Welp, it's a normal Karma taking down a dweeb but he's a lot stronger and kind of more fiery right now. I'm liking it.

Isogai: He's usually loose on the trash talk. A bit angrier today, I wonder what happened.

 **Ryo talks Hajime down.**

Ryo: You haven't checked your shoe locker, have you?

Hajime: Oh… no.

Ryo: Dumb fuck. Don't ever hold me accountable of how stupid you are.

 **Ryo lets him go. Hajime runs. Ryo then removes Isogai's bandana.**

Isogai: You were angry. But now you're kinda dead again. What happened?

Ryo: Just taking down another dweeb as usual.

Isogai: (whispers to Nagisa) Not usual.

Nagisa: Yeah. Nope.

 **Turning to one of Totsuki Academy's Arenas, the Prepping Relay has started. Karma is the first in the line. His task is to prep a live animal.**

Karma: Hey, uh, what are we cooking, again?

Soma: You must have been sleeping on all of the shit happening, eh. We're cooking fried chicken today. You, my friend, are butchering the live animals and prepping them.

Karma: And, uh, who the hell are you?

Soma: (laughs) Must you forget I'm Yukihira, now that I'm wearing a proper attire for once?

Karma: Yeah.

Soma: Do your best in butchering that damn chicken, Kurokiba!

Urara: People! The Prepping Relay begins in a minute. If you have any final changes in the stations, you have to do them now. Also, please take note that this challenge is 70% based on speed and 30% based on taste. This is a relay.

Soma, stationed behind Alice, questions her about Ryo.

Soma: Hey, Alice, are you sure Kurokiba is okay-

Alice: Watch him.

Soma: He even forgot my name. He's fuckin' sick.

Alice: (laughs) Damn it. Yeah. That's tough.

Soma: Alice,

Alice: Mhm?

Soma: I hate losing.

Alice: So do I.

Urara: ON YOUR MARK!

Soma: Oh, man.

Urara: BEGIN!

 **He picks up a live chicken to his station. In his team, the people are Soma, Alice, Kuga and Nene. The other team has Satoshi, Eizan, Akira, Takumi and Megumi.**

Karma: Hi, chicken. You're gonna get so… damn… delicious.

 **He does the knifework on the chicken in less than 30 seconds. He has quickly separated all the parts of the chicken and had them laid down clean.**

Satoshi: Wow, never knew Ryo was good at this. Oh well.

Eizan: Damn it, Isshiki, get your shit together.

Satoshi: Yeah. Hey, isn't it weird? Ryo doesn't have his bandana. Though he's on fire. Huh.

Eizan: My God, chop that shit faster!

 **Soma marinates the chicken.**

Soma: Oh, you're weird. How did you do that just now?

Karma: Not talkin' shit when I said I could do it, Yukihira.

Soma: Whatever.

 **Soma passes the marinated chicken to Alice for her to fry them. After fried, Kuga de-oils them and creates the glaze for it. As soon as he was done, he passes it to Nene for proper plating. By the first set was done, Karma has already butchered 4 other chickens.**

Soma: Damn it, what are you, an assassin?

 **Karma smirks at the statement. He butchers 5 more chickens. He has surpassed Isshiki by 2 chickens. Isshiki applauds him.**

Satoshi: Ryo-kun is on his game today. He literally just bladed through his whole coop.

Eizan: You would have surpassed him if you were focused, ass.

Akira: I won't think that right now. Ryo's pretty much an assassin right now.

 **Karma's team wins by a score of 100 to 97. The other team only fell short by 3 points on the speed. Meanwhile, at the Training Center, a simulation for the secret agents was held. The girls on the bunch were looking intently at him and Isogai.**

Rio: Wow, look at you go.

Isogai: Oh, man.

Irina: Greetings, apprentices. For today, we have here the geniuses of assassination. We could only call four of them at the moment. Please welcome Isogai Yuma, Nagisa Shiota, Rio Nakamura and Karma Akabane.

Nagisa: Hi. Pleasured to teach you guys.

Irina: Now, please proceed to your groups.

 **They proceed to the groups. The girls under Karma's class cheer for him.**

Girl 1: I can't believe we're in the Karma Akabane's class. He's so cool.

Girl 2: Not quite. He's hot.

Guy 1: Damn it, why'd he have to be both at the same time?

Ryo: Hello. I'm.. Karma, apparently. I'm going to be teaching… fist and knife offense.

Girl 2: Wasn't he said to be chill?

Girl 1: But he is.

Girl 2: He's pretty deadpan.

Girl 1: I find it hotter.

Guy 2: Sir, I have a question.

Ryo: Hmm?

Guy 2: How did you actually kill the octopus?

Ryo: That's… just teamwork.

Guy 1: Knife or gun?

Ryo: Knife.

Girl 2: Are you dating anyone?

Ryo: Oh… uh… not really.

Girl 1: But you have anyone you like?

Ryo: I… don't know. Okay. Let's begin. For the punching, please stand in front of your punching bag. Do as I do.

 **Ryo punches the bag with great force repetitively. He teaches them a move where the guarding left hand can punch together with the right one. He also demonstrates the palm can be a great tool for defense in punch fights.**

Ryo: Uh… sometimes you can use your palms to block the fists… don't always keep your hands closed. Now, please get your knives and do as I do.

 **Ryo slices through the punching bag like he's butchering a monkfish. He cuts through the punching bag in less than a minute. Everyone in the class is amazed.**

Ryo: And… if you're using a knife… you can also use two. You may throw it at the aim and start attacking later or just… I don't know… slit all the way.

Guy 2: Woah… that's amazing.

Ryo: When you plan to use knife and fist… hmm…. that's where you keep your hands closed. Punch and slit.

Girl 1: Uhh, why don't you say… stab? Why slit?

Ryo: Oh. Well… you're agents, right? You're going to catch a thief. Just cut through so the damage is fixable. Uh… better leave him regretting alive than letting him or get away by dying… right?

 **His students were amazed. They all applauded him after the demonstration. When he looks at the door, Nagisa, Isogai and Rio were applauding as well.**

Isogai: You were hardcore on Hajime a while ago and now you're all kind of gentle and bland.

Nagisa: That attack was amazing.

Rio: You got that punching bag like you were butchering the thing. Good job.

The four walk home. Ryo receives a call.

Ryo: Oh, excuse me. Hello?

Karma: Cousin. How was the training?

Ryo: They like you better when I'm you.

Karma: Smug. They also like me better when I'm you.

Ryo: Shut up. How?

Karma: Let's just say I assassinated chickens in the fastest rate.

Ryo: You won. Good. I'll disown you if you lost.

Karma: And if you went stupid with my students, you're crushed.

Ryo: Damn, were you popular. The girls in the room literally had their eyes glued.

Karma: So were you. Except they all kinda processed that Alice was all up on you already.

Ryo: Ugh. Don't touch my life.

Karma: Dumb ass, we're literally each other right now.

Ryo: Yeah. How do we switch back?

Karma: I don't know.

Ryo: Uhh, I do have to attend to ojou's needs and-

Karma: Mad dog. You miss her. It's only been 8 hours.

Ryo: Fuck off.

Karma: (laughs) Yeah. So in denial.

Ryo: Whatever. I'm going there.

Karma: Here at Totsuki?

Ryo: Mhm.

Karma: Please bring any of them. I don't wanna fuck off alone.

Ryo: No, you're just going to leech from them so you could eat dinner.

Karma: No, you're cooking us dinner then we go home.

Ryo: Okay. Bye. (ends call) Hey, I'm heading away now.

Isogai: Hey, your stuff is still in Nagisa's place.

Ryo: Oh. Yeah. I'm heading to Totsuki Academy, so…

Rio: That cooking school? Why would you be heading there?

Ryo: My cousin is there.

Nagisa: Could we come?

Ryo: Uhh… okay sure.

 **They all ride the train to Totsuki. They arrived, and they are all amazed.**

Rio: Damn, I know our school was a mountain but not this much.

Isogai: It's so huge. It's literally like a town.

Rio: Who is your cousin, Karma?

Ryo: Uhh… I… it's Ryo Kurokiba. His… uhh… ojou is Alice Nakiri.

Rio: No way! Ryo? As in the Ryo and Alice, the well-praised of the gourmands?

Isogai: You read foodie magazines?

Rio: Y-yeah. It's called food culture, Isogai.

 **As they were walking, they bump into Soma, Akira and Yuki.**

Soma: Oh, you're new around here. Hello, may I know who you are?

Ryo: (sighs) Karma Akabane.

Soma: N-no way. You're Karma? That top assassin kid our age? Cool.

Akira: Oh, is he.

Yuki: Oh damn, he's so good looking. He's a killer. With killer looks. He's so hot, though. Even that black-haired dude. Damn.

Soma: Yuki, calm yourself.

Rio: Damn, look who's talking. I've seen you guys been praised in foodie magazines. You're Soma Yukihira, Akira Hayama and Yuki Yoshino, right? Yeah. Damn it, you're good.

Soma: I've also seen you before. I think I can name you all… Rio Nakamura…. Isogai Yuma… Nagisa Shiota…? You got that thirty-billion bounty. You should all be rich as fuck. Tell me, Karma, how'd you kill the octopus thing?

Ryo: (whispers) Motherfucker. It's me, Ryo.

Soma: What? Shut up. Oh. Oh, you're… What?

Ryo: I'm heading to the mansion now.

Soma: Oh, good. We're heading there too.

 **They all walk to the mansion. They see Alice and Karma in the body of Ryo in front of the door about to ride a limousine.**

Alice: Hey, you're here!

Karma: Oh, good. You're here. We were just about to drop by Nagisa's place.

Ryo: Damn you, can we switch now?

 **Karma and Ryo bro hug and do a cousin handshake. They have returned back to their own selves.**

Karma: Oh, you guys actually came here.

Isogai: I knew something had to be wrong. You were cooking.

Rio: You were nice.

Isogai: You were violent. In my bandana, apparently.

Soma: Oh, and that's why you didn't know me.

Karma: I did know you. I actually know of Ryo's friends. I wanted to piss you off as planned.

Alice: Correct. You were though, weren't you?

Soma: I was, but then he was fast on butchering the chickens. I knew that had to be pretty off. Much to my surprise, he was an assassin. Turns out he really was.

Karma: I'm glad I've done great. Meanwhile, how'd that bastard do as me?

Isogai: The ladies were all on you, as usual. And you were actually gentle at fighting but just as good, so they were all in awe. You might say Ryo played you good.

Karma: Well, if it was an exam, the difference would be seen.

Ryo: Fuck off. Same goes to you.

Alice: Heard you cooked them the baconette and onigiri. I missed your coffee. Mou, don't ever leave me again.

Rio: I had it on my head that Ryo was pretty hot as well, but then he already had a permanent.

Akira: So, when Karma's not Ryo anymore, I could still prep faster.

Yuki: Isogai-kun! You're so cute. Can I have your number-

Soma: Yuki, no.

Isogai: Ahh… sure. Oh, if you guys ever need a servant, call me. I do need jobs.

Yuki: Oh.. really? Yay!

Ryo: Akira, shut up, fucker. I'm still better than you.

Soma: Oh, I might as well join.

Karma: Hey, Soma. I heard you make grotesque dishes. Can you hand me recipes?

Soma: Oh, damn. That's the first. Sure! Gladly.

Nagisa: Karma, no!

Hi! Thanks for reading. Let me know whatcha think & linger around my acc if you'd want to see some short one-shots. Happy 2019!


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